welcome to my blog. is a little bit of everything happening in my life. okay a little bit more than a little. fine! a little more than a little by a little :D
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addie(:
there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect yet I'm Lovin' It
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so Click here if you hate it.

detour. if i spell that right.

so after math, dont make me talk about it i wanna cry big time! so i was on the way home with den and sufyan(which i am pretty sure i spell his name wrongly). and i wanted to walk home cause i am sure i met someone whom i really dont want to meet and walk away all of it.

then i called randy for no reason, knowing that he is in exam, i left him a voicemail. then i walk home, all i said was " hi... well, have fun! then he called me like freaking 7 times! i didnt know he called, i left my phone in my bag, well, i was buying things and i know my new phone the vibration is pretty strong but still i have no idea about it. and he was like freaking out when i call him. he thought i died or what. like what i wanted to tell him was mostly girls stuff and you dont talk to a guy that. plus, i should listen to munirah's words or aisah or zy or everyone's words to get over it but i cant. like its pretty hard. they should open a group like the A&A and what i will do is go and say.

"hi, i am addie. i lost ** **** ***** over * ***. its been 3 months now...." haha anyway

so randy was on the phone like being a bitch! yeah, i said it. its was pretty sad that i had to say that but still. something for you. stop changing your name on facebook. i dont know who you are!

ohh... kenny, munirah and i should go again. cause i really need it big time!

okay i lost track, anyway i shall end here. cause my brain is making a detour!

xoxo
PS: lets see how long you can last.... lets see how happy you can be... haha you know i am quoting from you!

i dont find it useful to buy branded clothes at this point of age. in the world of teens, brand seems everything and but seriously, do you find it a need to show off whats under you? you dont come from a rich family with status and all. if you are from there, i get your point. but if you are NOT from there, having everything by brands, dont you think, your pocket aint that big? big enough for a hole i guess. signing on to visa and owing people tons of interest and adding on those you owe. do you think its worth?

if you are trying to fit into the world, thinking by joining the group and I to walk the town in high end clothes. but i dont enjoy those, so dont brand me this and there, cause i find you dumb doing that. i dont go for brands, i go those that made me comfortable. so if you see me in some, to your world, brand-less clothes, forgive me for trying to be real. you are not from gossip girl. so dont dress like them and finding money from everyone around you to get your hot pink jacket. cause even you said the brand, you can say where is it from, who design it, in what year did it come out.... etc. those fashion talks. so if you see my rolling my eyes when you wore your Gucci to a street cafe, i just made my point.

be real, you will end up selling them to repay those debts.

a little something from me, i dont be friends with you for what you wear, i be friend with you for your personalities.

till then
xoxo

PS: repacking. wanna join?

i really am not look forward to meeting my brother. though i really miss him and i am happy that he is happy but i still dont feel like meeting him. i just dont want to go into a school, take some test to define if you can study there. i want to relax and i want not to think about all those.

i love taking german. its not something i will have second thoughts again. but its getting closer. do i really want to move over in 2 years time? i never really asked myself that question. what do i really want to do? i cant live on my passion because i dont have the simple basic. i do have the overall. but to make it, i cant pass. i will have to chop myself into half before i can get into the center to be... simply me. not saying that i cant now, i can. but the chances as compare to as i am half, the me now had only... 15% and the half of me... 50% . you see the percent.

and to live on what i am learning now? i am dying to make ends meet. and the worst it, they are bringing in a new subject, there are too many on my plates now. i cant even take the time to think about it.

and i cant fail.

i cant fail, because everyone is looking at me. i am dragging my mother, brother and the other side of me in this ugly world. and i cant fail.

i cant quit either. i have to walk down even if there is like a zillion wounds on me. i cant quit.

i grown into this person where i cant see myself fail. its like breathing underwater and you know that you cant but there is this moment, sparks that made you want to try it. and when you did, water rushes into your nose and your brain into a state of... pain

pain, define that to me. i felt nothing with a stab wound in me.

2 years, 2 years, i will get a new phone and move my whole room to there. am i even ready?

let me ask me this, are you ready? i can tell you now, i dont feel like i am. in 2years time, so you can take your time to think? i am sorry i cant. i just dont feel like.

stop asking me to walk around and do those tiny little things you wish to do now. eg: run in sun, cause you will miss it. i wont. i am not dying. so i wont.

i am sorry. but i really dont want to. i would rather kill myself now and let someone stab me.

i am sorry...


well, on the other side, i got a new phone! LG crystal. its a awesome phone. so much awesome. haha. i cant tell you anything but its so so so freaking awesome then my that old phone. cause this phone is.. awesome. no tiny details for now. i need to rush to some place now.

till then...
xoxo
addie.

PS: life fails you or you fail life?

this lie where you carry, on who you define you as.

why do you have to follow what everyone is doing? its like in a jam, where cars are line up back to back moving slowly towards the same direction. why is it wrong to be different? who define what is wrong and what is right?

why are u always hiding in that shadow of yours? when will you move on to be like someone you know you could had won a million of hearts with that different-ness of yours? dont you feel sad every single minute, in that reflect of yours? do you feel like you are wearing a mask over and over and over and that deep naked flesh of yours is slowly fading?

screw human's thinking.

defining who what where and why. it wasnt easy. for me at least. but i found a way.

who: the human
what: the happening
where: the place
why: ask the human.

& i know its wasnt logic but i just simply being an Ahole at the time being. oh yes and i finally chat with CANCER!which is something i havent done in a while.

so he said. that break i am going over there, wasnt a rest well holiday. more likely to study german over there for EVERYDAY! which is killing me. and helloo.. lesson starts at 8am and talk about jet lag people!! D: haha

but it wasnt of all sudden great at the point when i care about me not able to speak german.

now waiting for my turn to do some presentation on some crapy C++ computer crap.. and i thank those who are interested in it.

lastly: i suddenly think that life on the other side wasnt that bad afterall. being there really let me see how great the world on the OTHER end is like...


xoxo

PS: just let me look good in the new fringe i am cutting on wednesday. & i dying want a role!

i am suppose to watch some show now. on telly. but i got started on something else.
ah... so damn sad!! i miss the whole show. its something at world's end. some jack sprrow or whatever it is. no idea the show name! haha

finally after like so long of rushing, i finally can breathe a little. changing the blog skin to the old one was hell man. i lost all the links and i got to check back one by one.

anyway i am saving up to get me a new camera so i can shoot like a mad women in zurich! rachel is going so it will be fun i guess! though i really dont know her much.. but she is caner's friend so.. anyway no harm right.. haha


anyway.. j got a crushie and she wants to tell him.. wish you all the best j!

talking to grandma half way and she went offline. :( sad.. wanting to ask her more things but when she is online, i am doing the blog and when she is not online, i want to talk to her. & if u see this, text me! haaha

ohh lala. i got to say. today was the best when i can really look at the computer and do nothing. just surfing whatever i want and not projects, meetings, all crap!!


oh nothing much now. just get a bath. and watch the end of the show and well thats all.. ahah

sadly to say, i do miss you. but i wont and i dont want to go back. stupid stupid addie, why are u thinking about *** now? :(

anyway... saving on so much!

xoxo

PS: a camera... oh a camera! :)

i am not going to study material science anymore. this is killing me.. i should get some sleep...

just blog hop to "kill" my mind for a while. though i know i havent been updating for like a zillion years ago! anyway but then i still feel sleepy. so i have no idea what i am typing and i guess i wont know. cause i wont be reading it myself anyway.

me need sleep.

so i am cranky

tata!
PS: me need life and life needs me! oh well...