Tuesday, November 6, 2007
in which addie finds guilt$BlogItemTitle$>
guilt. a word means a lot.
guilt something which bothers me for now
guilt which is pushing me
well i went to this talk by Dr. Jane Goodall for which most known as the famous bio. woman whom i happen to had a photo with on the day of the talk. which should be a bless or something. which don't bother me much until today right today in lit lesson, when my teacher whom happen to went for the talk too, know that i had a photograph session which her and said i am so bless as you know she might not come back to this country again and well this could be the only chance that i get to see her in my life. and well it really "hit" me. in a sense the teacher whom taught me things i never know, whom from lit i learn other than lit itself said that he don't think he deserve to have a snap with her. i went blank. seriously blank if he don't deserve it what makes i should? maybe i am over pounding about it or so but this may hit me lots. i mean well from a point this teacher whom you look up too said he don't deserve it? i mean from me he is the most well respect teacher i ever could had said that but he don't deserve it? don't as in seriously don't?
and next... school out and i felt funny like not as happy as i used to be. i mean school terms are finally over even it ate into my holiday plans but now is out and i am till not as happy as before. i don't know. maybe it is because that i am flying with my school to NZ on wed and well not that is the first time i flew with my school nor the first time i flew nor the first time i travel on my own, but the feeling is like there is butterfly in my tummy and not making me feel very very well. and i seriously don't know why.
well someone as me to said "hello" to someone in one morning and can't. is the simple word like "hello" whom been used million times but i can't said it out to that person. i don't feel like using name today so just someone would leave spaces in between. i had been thinking, a lot and asking myself why do i care so much about it. i don't want to have this friendship back or should i said i want to but the someone whom ask me to say "hello" to the someone was right. i can't possibly don't talk to that someone for the whole year. it can't be done. there would be a point that you had to say something. gosh i should had listen to kevis and give the present i bought for the someone else. or throw away would be the actual words he said. but it cost me over 40 dollars for that thingy, i just happen to pass by this shop and saw the thingy that someone once mention before that the someone like it and i... "quit looking at me like that!" "like what?" "that!"
is like the present wrap up with silver wrapping paper looking at me in the face. i can't give it away it got the person name written all over it. and what you want me to do? give to her? make no sense. foe don't give foe anything. or something... unless is poison. haha... well i don't know. i will see about it. but just so you know. it might be found in somewhere nice.
♥ ...I'm glad you're the one I spent it with.
5:51:00 PM