Friday, July 20, 2007
the past
she came to me with a hope. this task is not that simple to complete. she was adopted 35 years ago and when her foster mum pass away she found out the Truth. " i want to see her ( her biologic mother) i want to know why she gave me up. i want.. i want to share my family with her." I look at her eyes and her birth cert,which she said it had been change. this very well kept secret had been kept for 35 years and now i am going to dig in the painful past. I ask her if she really want to know. i don't have any grantee that her biologic mother would be alive or if she would want to see her. she nodded and said " i only want to know if she is alive a not and its okay that she does not want to see me."
i set off to the court house and to look for the answer. the old lady at the desk was so kind enough to let me enter to the room, it was full of files, files of documents. they only had record till 20 years ago. the old lady was really helpful. she dug a stack of files and it so dusty that i kept on sneezing. and it does not take us too long to find that file. it was in blue but the colour had fade off and the nails rust that leave a mark on the paper which also turn yellow. the prints of the name has wiggle off. by thanking the old desk lady i treat her at the nearest cafe and sent her home. she understand it is hard to find such a long past and handed me a piece of paper. she told me it would be helpful.
holding on to it. her handwriting reminds me of my mum. my mum re-married after my dad pass away. i blame my dad death on my mum. i think that it was her and that stupid boyfriend of hers that has cause my dad to die. my dad must have somewhat know of their affairs and got a terrible heart-attack and pass away. once i got into college , i never return home. i did not even invite her to my marriage. at that time i think she is dead to me. after sending the old desk lady home and it is almost to mid night, i think i will continue to call the name on the paper in the next morning.
i reached home and head towards the bathroom. the memorizes of me and my mum came to my mind and i think of her with my dad ,tears filled my eyes. i some how think that i am evil enough to walk away. and knowing that my mum's "new" husband was once my dad best friend the tears stop before i could scold myself of thinking for my mum, my daughter came running in and told me that she got a terrible nightmare. looking at her i knew that i was once in her shoe and how my mum would take a baseball bat up to my room and swing and shouting at the monster to get away. if not the bat is going to land on it. i did the same thing and bring my husband's bat up and did the same. slowly i see my daughter fall asleep and wonder what big fuss is going on with her brother's room. there i saw my son crying "there is till a monster in the wardrobe!! there is. there is really!! " and my dearly husband trying to comfort him that there is no such monster in there. i laugh " let me do it." i did the same trick , it works. the twins fall soundly asleep. " that's really works for this too dumbbells." he said. " you were once in their shoes." he laughed " how did you know?"
after sending the twins to school instate of calling Mr. Gamble i went down to his office and told him that the desk lady from the court. before i could finish he knew what brings me here.the desk lady was his sister. i laugh at myself and he pass me a few names that could lead me to my client's biologic mother. i went down looking for her. knocking on the first door i knew that this could bring back a very bad memory. BINGO. it was her. she was the biologic mother.
she was glad that i came. the look on her face knowing that her child wants to find her. she cry and i was glad that she was not mad at me for racking up her past. she told me every mother's day she would think of that child she once had. thinking of how she would be there with her to celebrate it. she told me it was a bad mistake and she was just 15 when she gave birth to her. due to underage her parents took over and put the baby girl on adoption. she told me she would run down to the foster home but once as soon as they know. they moved away and she does not know where they are. " i miss her badly". she told me. she, herself was not sure who the father is. she was raped. " i am so sorry." i said and looking at her. i told her the meeting place with her daughter and she was glad to be there.
one hour before the meet up her mother ask me if she was coming. i reassure her that she wanted to find you and she will turn up. in fact she did. she was in the loo doing the last touch up. when the two of them meet tears come running down their eyes. and they both do
look very alike. they hit off and knowing that she got a half-brother she was thrilled. i left them to catch up and drive to school to fetch my kids.
waiting for the kids to end school, i check on a past news. it took 2 hours to drive up the old house. "where are we going?" shouted the both of them. " you will see". the house was the same. everything was the same. i knocked on the door and my mother came to the door. tears broke the silent. i told my mum how i felt and why i did not look for her and she understand everything. i saw the urn on top of the fire place. he had past away 3 years ago leaving her and their college son and the house. she kept my room the way it was and told me that everyday she wish to hear me call her mum. "mum.. " " its okay dear. its okay dear." looking at her face i saw my mum really had aged. "kids. this is your
Nana.." "NANA!!!" the both of them ran up to her. it seems like they knew each other a long time ago. " TWINS?.. they carry your
friendliness." i joined in the hug, with a kissed on her forehead. "i am sorry" she smiled....
♥ ...I'm glad you're the one I spent it with.
6:05:00 PM
