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addie(:
there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect yet I'm Lovin' It
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
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i went to speech and drama today.. at once i reach there on the dot.. if not i would sit and wait for an hour before everything starts. i sold all the school tickets to my class and the worst is my teacher wrote on the card. wish me all the best for my speech and drama exam. haha the best is she wrote SPEECH AND DRAMA #1! haha well i guess too. and my best friend oh man she she she!! haha well the whole i was so sad and she cheer me up.. well till owe her 90 cents now in this way and any one who read this would know that i owe her 90 cents so she would take me money!! :) :0 :@

i dont know what wrong with everyone today!! went to drama class and every one got a little something to say about me. and why are they saying i look super different? well NEVER see me let down my hair before? and well everyone thinks i look different.. and i mean everyone even my past year teacher..

she came to me with a hope. this task is not that simple to complete. she was adopted 35 years ago and when her foster mum pass away she found out the Truth. " i want to see her ( her biologic mother) i want to know why she gave me up. i want.. i want to share my family with her." I look at her eyes and her birth cert,which she said it had been change. this very well kept secret had been kept for 35 years and now i am going to dig in the painful past. I ask her if she really want to know. i don't have any grantee that her biologic mother would be alive or if she would want to see her. she nodded and said " i only want to know if she is alive a not and its okay that she does not want to see me."

i set off to the court house and to look for the answer. the old lady at the desk was so kind enough to let me enter to the room, it was full of files, files of documents. they only had record till 20 years ago. the old lady was really helpful. she dug a stack of files and it so dusty that i kept on sneezing. and it does not take us too long to find that file. it was in blue but the colour had fade off and the nails rust that leave a mark on the paper which also turn yellow. the prints of the name has wiggle off. by thanking the old desk lady i treat her at the nearest cafe and sent her home. she understand it is hard to find such a long past and handed me a piece of paper. she told me it would be helpful.

holding on to it. her handwriting reminds me of my mum. my mum re-married after my dad pass away. i blame my dad death on my mum. i think that it was her and that stupid boyfriend of hers that has cause my dad to die. my dad must have somewhat know of their affairs and got a terrible heart-attack and pass away. once i got into college , i never return home. i did not even invite her to my marriage. at that time i think she is dead to me. after sending the old desk lady home and it is almost to mid night, i think i will continue to call the name on the paper in the next morning.

i reached home and head towards the bathroom. the memorizes of me and my mum came to my mind and i think of her with my dad ,tears filled my eyes. i some how think that i am evil enough to walk away. and knowing that my mum's "new" husband was once my dad best friend the tears stop before i could scold myself of thinking for my mum, my daughter came running in and told me that she got a terrible nightmare. looking at her i knew that i was once in her shoe and how my mum would take a baseball bat up to my room and swing and shouting at the monster to get away. if not the bat is going to land on it. i did the same thing and bring my husband's bat up and did the same. slowly i see my daughter fall asleep and wonder what big fuss is going on with her brother's room. there i saw my son crying "there is till a monster in the wardrobe!! there is. there is really!! " and my dearly husband trying to comfort him that there is no such monster in there. i laugh " let me do it." i did the same trick , it works. the twins fall soundly asleep. " that's really works for this too dumbbells." he said. " you were once in their shoes." he laughed " how did you know?"

after sending the twins to school instate of calling Mr. Gamble i went down to his office and told him that the desk lady from the court. before i could finish he knew what brings me here.the desk lady was his sister. i laugh at myself and he pass me a few names that could lead me to my client's biologic mother. i went down looking for her. knocking on the first door i knew that this could bring back a very bad memory. BINGO. it was her. she was the biologic mother.

she was glad that i came. the look on her face knowing that her child wants to find her. she cry and i was glad that she was not mad at me for racking up her past. she told me every mother's day she would think of that child she once had. thinking of how she would be there with her to celebrate it. she told me it was a bad mistake and she was just 15 when she gave birth to her. due to underage her parents took over and put the baby girl on adoption. she told me she would run down to the foster home but once as soon as they know. they moved away and she does not know where they are. " i miss her badly". she told me. she, herself was not sure who the father is. she was raped. " i am so sorry." i said and looking at her. i told her the meeting place with her daughter and she was glad to be there.

one hour before the meet up her mother ask me if she was coming. i reassure her that she wanted to find you and she will turn up. in fact she did. she was in the loo doing the last touch up. when the two of them meet tears come running down their eyes. and they both do
look very alike. they hit off and knowing that she got a half-brother she was thrilled. i left them to catch up and drive to school to fetch my kids.

waiting for the kids to end school, i check on a past news. it took 2 hours to drive up the old house. "where are we going?" shouted the both of them. " you will see". the house was the same. everything was the same. i knocked on the door and my mother came to the door. tears broke the silent. i told my mum how i felt and why i did not look for her and she understand everything. i saw the urn on top of the fire place. he had past away 3 years ago leaving her and their college son and the house. she kept my room the way it was and told me that everyday she wish to hear me call her mum. "mum.. " " its okay dear. its okay dear." looking at her face i saw my mum really had aged. "kids. this is your Nana.." "NANA!!!" the both of them ran up to her. it seems like they knew each other a long time ago. " TWINS?.. they carry your friendliness." i joined in the hug, with a kissed on her forehead. "i am sorry" she smiled....

well i love this song so much now. i dont know why. but i listen and type it down. hope its correct!! the song is by..Avril Lavigne.. nice songs!!! it got stuck in my head now. and it will be..

back in school and gosh rumor every where. let me start of with...... EVERYTHING!!!


1. stupid spread that i am having chicken pox and guess what one of the guy in my class wrote on the board that i am having chicken pox. and well he did not spell it right so it end up with having chicken pot!! and every single teacher that came into the class he would tell them.

2. my friend 2 sister got so many suitors. maybe we are making it up but it sound so real.how would a guy eat a box of rice and a toast in the hand all by himself? well i guess the thing is... i also not so sure.. :)

3. HOMEWORK!!! oh with lots of SSSS and haha well i miss A.math test on wed due to sickness and lot of homework.. and it sound crappy but lots of English homework!not getting crappy but than...OF ALL SUBJECT WHY THAT? that sound bad but erm well i just want to type that!!!

4. oh i think i might well add this.. well my *sch* mom got separated from step dad *sch* today which well off all he is cheating on her with a guy + girl. sound wrong but its funny. well i guess the four of us is really so crappy today!!!

5. chem!! okay my teacher was teaching on some topic but i seem to be carried away by counting dots on my hands. and well when my teacher said something about "he is a boy, she is a girl than what do u call a boy and girl?" i looked up and once it come to my mind of my friend. haha that bad but.. hehe well cant blame. he is cool..

6. POA!!! oh man... well i guess i was too carried away by the damn spots. *gosh it sound like Macbeth* (don't remind me of that) and well my teacher got really SPOT that i was not paying attention to her lesson. so she call me up and ask me. so i just reply" erm cos u need to bring it from here to here".. my answer was not that complete but well at least i got off the hook.. *wheep*

so that all for return of the school rumors!!!
or things like that

not in school today. and i get to sleep for almost 10 hours better than my sleep which only sleep for less than 5 hours and no disturb from anyone today only than thunder roar than pull me back from LA LA land and i cant get a ticket back there again. super mad but just sad. it is my last day off today and well i think if i am not really have pox. than maybe.. i don't know. i just don't feel like going back to school is like two more days before the weekend come along and crazy thing is this sat is going to be a BOOM. the last harry potter book is out and well i think there goes my night. no i am not reading it. i am not really a harry potter fan just my friend would really update me on it. like the 6 book. she called during mid night and my ticket to LA LA land got a really hard time to get back there...

91...92...93...94...95... 95!!!! 95!!! there are 95 small red dots on me, the whole body. i wonder if i really had my chicken pox? i hope not!!

it was the brightest smile he ever ever show us. the same smile when he able to say "I love you" to his Nana on her 73 birthday. he cant speak a perfect sentence without having to stumble over words. he read the whole book on and on. showing us that he is able to speak to speak like what we do. and his next wish is to show his parents and we came out with a plan for him. tonight is his parents anniversary and we are planing him to be the host....

at the back stage. he hold the paper and reading it out softly. he read it over and over until he can remember it by heart. " now we got a big surprise for the lovely couple tonight. a wish that i think this couple would hope for all their life.. come on out." he walk out and a loud scream came from the back. "hello. my name is earl. i am here standing here for a reason. i cant speak with..without.without stumble..." his tears came down and so did his parents. " i wanted to sing tonight. as i always wanted to." he go on singing. it sound so perfect. his mother jaw drop....
his mother came to us one day hoping that she we could do her a favour. she told us that her finance when he was young was not good and she cant put him to speech centre to stop him from this and now she had the money the money she save for this treatment. for him to be able to speak. she show us the money. it was the amount 15 years ago. the price had increase now. but we till promise to help her, to help her for free....

the look on his whole family face. the look on his face. they thanks us for this dream. it is the of their best anniversary, their best life.........

i reach there on Sunday and i don't like it. my best friend was not there. i guess she is too busy with her work and things like that. she made me no time for me to think why did i come here at the first place. life is short so i stop thinking and walk to know the answer. she was not happy with my present i know it somewhat. she was in fact much angry that i was not there last week. u can blame me for not turning up i got tons of work to do. tons of essay to write and i had to finish reading a super thick book i borrow from my friend which i had not touch on it for a week. just the first chapter ended as i reach the place. the first colour i look was orange. that orange wall which lead to the hallway of the class. i wonder again why am i here. i call my best friend almost every six step on the stairs. i was not hoping to here she say "oh i got ur message. so i dont know if u coming a not. are u here for lesson or just the form?" well well what did she had for luch? nails and pins? well i would say i am here for the sick of the form but no no i was here for both. and she dont seem happy that i would throw back all my work to come here and waste my time. for the sick of my own good. well well. the worst thing is that she want me to keep the video. she got the same one. the SAME one. the SAME.. well i am not rather happy about it...

maybe i was not having a good mood when i reach here.. i should check the way of my mood. for her. for her that i hate for her than made me feel super bad about everything 4 years ago......

she took off, leaving him behind. they both know that this feeling is going nowhere. she got a cute look with a short red hair. her red hair blend nicely with her new top which he gave her last summer. he told her than it was the latest design and the pick the red even he knew it wasn't her favourite. she grew to like it more and more each day. every wash was hand wash every iron was with the lightest heat so she would not have burn it. he got a model look. a look which u would look at the whole day and wondering what's going in his mind. he bites his underlip knowing that history repeat itself. he cant stay in a relationship more than one season but this time he made it three season almost a year but it end just one week before the next season begins...

went to the doc. he said i might be having pox. but i think i am not. i got it before. it said to be only have it once in ur life!!! but i dont know. tmr till a day off for me. but i if the dots gets more, i think i really had to enjoy my birthday with pox!! bad bad bad luck!!! maybe the CURSE of the broken mirror is back!!

alone and everyone out there (from the view of my window) seem to be having fun but just not me. i am in the pink shirt standing behind the grills looking out just to hope that i could enjoy my life like them. the dog next door ran home and barked non-stop at the sky. it was dark and it is only morning. just as the tears roll down from my cheeks. the first drop of rain landed on the ground. and it started raining. and why does it rain when i am feeling sad? the phone rings, a call from my mum. asking me how i am. the words sound so touch and i am feeling much better. the tears in my eyes dry out and the sun came peeping out behind the clouds. i am looking for the rainbow but it was no where to be found. but i think it is up there, just above me. above the roof. shining bright...

so i am home sick and than i think i should start on a new blog after all i am sick and when u are sick every funny idea come into ur mind so having a typing blog is what i want and it makes people go insane too. anyway have fun!!