welcome to my blog. is a little bit of everything happening in my life. okay a little bit more than a little. fine! a little more than a little by a little :D
all my post are copyrighted.

addie(:
there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect yet I'm Lovin' It
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so Click here if you hate it.

New ideas for the new 2011

2011 here and its time to do something fun

i love writing, music, food and photography

so i think i am gonna start on a blog with those. I had a whole lot of photos i took (only on the good days) and well i am gonna share them. I think so thats a new hobby to start this 2011

:)


xoxo

hello hippies!

so that night with J was really nice, we talked about so many things which reminded me of a very special someone whom i used to talk all night long with, though things had change and we all move along the way we wanted, no longer friends but i just want to tell you, thank you for spending those good times with me.

so J was saying about how people meet and what made them close.

for me, it wasnt about how long you know the person but its about those sparks you both have.

for J, well she blogged about it! haha and i promised her i would. she said its about feelings and lots of words.

i think we are all brought together somehow or another, sometimes the one we thought we would be BFF never turn out to be and those we least expected became the closest BFF ever, regardless of age or sex, u just got drawn to he or her.

who said a guy and a girl cant be friend but only lover? its somewhat like in a relationship but take away the hot love you have for each other. & so we were saying the weirdest friend we ever had. for me were a couple of them whom i still keep in contact with and kinda close.

a mistaken identity on a friend's party

a friend's friend (oh i love this friend and how complex we are)

friend's friends (yes, the entire crew!)

thought was someone's bf that i add/defriend/add on fb who happen to be my lecture mate

a set up date by J for the bbq

and well those are those that i thought i never ever be in contact with again which became kinda close to me

and i must say, i love the way things are now. with so many people i met via so many people. but there is still that few whom i have yet to met...

like:

190!

yes 190! i know its been like a while, so mr 190 when are we connecting dream? let today be the 3rd time, k?

haha!

anyway, town been pretty boring, or maybe i been there too much and i dont see any more cute 190! so lets hope my next trip down, i will see at least 3?

oh and guess the most funniest thing ever happen? so J and i were over at town that day and i saw this guy again! not the guy who i reach his arm and FYI i am not short! he is like freaking tall! i guess 200m tall?

this guy whom the last time i saw was injured but he looked kinda cute, not 190 cute but you know. so i saw him again that other day and i swear he remembered me! haha it got J jumping and wanting to stalk him after that!

we crossed path and i was busy trying to tie my hair and according to J, he was looking at me as if we know each other. and J pushed me and it took me a while to remember who he was! haha well, he got to remember who i am cause i literally blocked his way the other time. i mean i wanted to go right and he wanted to go left and well! haha. so i kinda told J about him and it let to her wanting to stalk him after that...

happy day for us though, we saw our eye-candies although for me wasnt my ideal 190 but well.. hahah i know i will have one special 190! haha

anyway i got side track my by longest friend ever! whom i havent talk to him for a long time!

so i shall blog another day.

till then
smile and stay beautiful
xoxo
addie(:

i am officially at this point of this whole crap that i dont give a shit about it. you can rot and die, and i wont move a bit.

i tried thrice, and i gotten 3 rolled eye. so i am done. out. you wanna truce, you got to earn it now. i am done. seriously you got lonely so now you want me back? okay, see that queue? go take a number and join it.

seriously sheesh..

we cant get out into a proper friendship even when we age can we? i saw 3 different group age friendship war. one in the teens, other in the 30s/40s, lastly in the 50s.

seriously we never grow out of high school, do we? or worst play school... why cant we just be honest with each other? just do and live what point you like? no? why do we have mask and when the night comes, you curse each one?

I am done with all this shit. i am bored with all those. it seems fun at first than you got bored and you went to a point where you just cant be bother. yeah, i am at there now.

its hard being swiss when you get drag into every possible fires.

like i said.

if you want to play fire with me, i play fire with fire, just dont get burn.

oh, now i am not into the mood to get into a fight, war or whatever you all are plotting.

but a head up, when i blow, you better run.

xoxo
smile and stay beautiful
addie(:

curtains draw.
lights shine.
people talk, sing, dance.

everything happens in a order.

I woke up this morning to a different tune, a tune which reminds me of body jam.

yes people, i finally attend the class. like finally! thank you very much! it was very enjoying. very fun indeed. my VIP pass just ended as of today(or is it tomorrow?) anyway, i miss lesson today. thinking i have another lesson on my list today. which( i dont want to talk about)

i have a hard time thinking should i write again. both my blog and short stories... addie needs to be really emotional to write a good story. yet i am not that emotional. hyper at least. not emotional. so i am moving baby steps. writing my blog and from there to my short stories. I will write them, and finish them. I promise. not write the head and half of the body and leave it hanging. hanging like a dead meat in the air. waiting for anyone to eat them. just hang there and bled. bled and bled and bled.

relax i am fine. very fine. told you i am hyper. pretty unstable now. very unstable.

So i need ideas to start on a story soon. need a someone to take good photos of/for me now. i think i am going to start posting photos on my blog, link them to my life and all.. saw AB's blog. its awesome. with mostly place into different parts of the blog, photo, him, music...things like that. labels. i need labels.

i need to label people. I am wondering why do human act the way they do. I simply dont understand why. Am I like an animal? when you are the human looking at me looking at you? but deeply you are here to watch me react to your actions and when you know i have given up, you walked away, telling yourself that you need to catch my attention the next round.

hmm...


why am i always half done? medium rare. always. my stories, my guitar, my drama(okay not really), my life, my weight.

ahh.. my weight. Thanks for the little celebration. Its really nice and sweet of you guys! and i sworn i gain like 2Kg after that day! haha Kidding, i didnt! but thank you. I am left with 8 more! cant wait. should, hopefully by the end of this year. which i am pretty proud that i did it. pissed at the same time for letting myself go like that before. need to stop blaming what happen that time when i let go of myself.

now, just now, i am returning to me. getting stronger. facing life with a back up of life.

seriously, maturity dont come with age. you cant blame on parents or family background. you cant. maturity is something that you grow and culture it. you learn it yourself. you "upgrade" yourself. no one teaches me maturity. of course the basic, yes. but not the I, I am now. I came from a life of lessons. and i am still learning. so should you, which i suppose you should at this point in life. when you are entering adult hood. for me, my teenager-hood has a certain good years to enjoy and yet i am feeling so much mature than you are.

and now i am confuse. do i want you as my friend or enemy? who wants enemy? only you do. i am always in peace till you step on my line of defense. till you did the utterly horrifying things to our friendship. and i wonder did what happen to * and i, became the way i treat friends now. from another angle? i doubt that. i made new friendships and i have them way better in control than this. simple childish is all i can say. and those who known me before, prefer the me now than before, lets just say, my trip to stay with my brother really make me grow alot.

sometimes, you are blessed by this little things and it changes you for life. in a good way.

till then,
stay beautiful and smiles
xoxo,
addie(:

only one game is needed this time.

run and hide people, run and hide.

today marks the start of this game, though it should be tonight but lets all have a 4 hours head start.

there is only one rule. and thats never ever be lower than anyone.

it only applies to me. so yeah.

i will be gone for the next few days, those who are checking right here, should know where to contact me.

i finally understand what make a human that desperate. all those needs. its disgusting yet it makes us all human.

on a lighter note, i dont have my 3rd dream, but i do hope it comes soon.

as always,
smile and stay beautiful
xoxo
addie(:

hello bright blue eye! *love*

for once in my life i gotta admit that i love blue eye cutie! This guy i met that tue was just simply good in things we both do!

haha

i had another dream about my previous dream! 2nd time! how awesome! lately i been too lazy to update but however and i am just popping by cause i cant get things off my mind!

finally i clear my closet! nope, no skeleton. haha but found some real interesting stuff.

oh let me have the 3rd dream or at least dream again, its been a long time.


till then
stay beautiful
xoxo
addie(:

PLEASE TAKE ME BACK TO MY DREAM YESTERDAY! I BEG YOU!!


god, i love love love my dream yesterday. how awesome is that dream? come on, let it be real, living in this so amazing place and amazing that one person!

alright, sleep tight, i am lying in bed till i get my dream back. why must the phone both ring in my dream and in reality? darn u stupid phone!


till then, smile and stay beautiful
xoxo
addie(:

my paper was a hard tart paper. anyway. i seriously hate it

moving on, i caught EXAM! it was seriously good. its like saw, take out all the gross part and yeah.

so its like there are 80 mins to answer a question. get this, there were 8 candidate. and there were rule lay out. go watch the show, or i will be giving it all out.

There were rules to follow, one piece of paper was given to each candidate and its just a blank piece of paper.

he said:

There is one question before you and one answer is required. No talking to the police officer or him, destroying your paper in any ways, you will be disqualify. Any Question? You may start.

that is base on what i can remember. Anyway, so all the action began.

it a good twist.

for me at least.

alright next stop (insert movie tittle) , i guess. hahah


till then
smile and stay beautiful
xoxo
addie(:

okay my retarded list shall remain in my box till after the sept 16!

i cant wait! let me be done with it with one!

final papers are starting so soon! so everything to finish soon!

finally, its okay to dream a little dream.

i guess when people ask me something and i dont wish to answer, i just simply say: 'cause i am a LEO, go google!

hahah.

oh yeah.

10 down, 13 to go!

till then
smile and stay beautiful
xoxo
addie(:

this is my 2nd post of the day. not something that i usually do but here i am.


I am a writer, a dreamer, a artist, an actress, a director, a judge, a sister, a daughter, a lover, a student, one somebody.

I am so tired of not going for things i like
not being different
not being the person i am when i am alone.

i have great mind. i paint pictures before i fall asleep. i dream and write them down, hopefully just hopefully i am good enough to be chosen. i never ever once submit my work. never ever once put my heart out in doing the exam. never ever once be true to myself.

i felt like i am such a joke. i will never know where i stand if i dont perform. i wanna get into a great improvise school. be me. make a name. i know i will get there. this sucks. i never think so much before. never felt like someone in the movie where you know its just pure acting.


anyway, i watched The Fall....

seriously my best movie ever, yes hot shot in it so what? haha he is freaking tall man! urgh!! anyway, i like the way it was written, the pure innocence of this younger actress. she is just wonderful. you dont see much acting when the 2 actors talked. its just talking to a little kid, telling her stories. painting her world. storyteller <3

anyway he had to fake the ability to walk the whole time, just to convince his little costar and almost everyone in the set. not the director... duh and the director is simply amazing! i wanna meet him. all of them. and saw the part behind the scene where he had to tell her the truth. she looked so shocked, so cute! omg, so lucky!

JEALOUS jealous! hahah

uber super super :)

anyway, i know its like a bit retard to like a celebrity. haha. but on the other hand. a few of my friends already know what type of guy i go for... haha time to enjoy teenage-hood without a lover! haha i am still very very young and still looking. till i meet one.

as always

till then. smile and stay beautiful
xoxo
addie(:

PS: bright smile people!

someone added a blog counter thingy on my blog for me to track down how many people visited my blog. though i dont know who but i do know the IP address and so on. the worst part is: there are so many IP address and i wanna the country... i know theres a way to see it but however i couldnt be bother...

anyway who. i think i need to delete some of my post. its just getting a little too much of information on things i dont wish to talk about. & i know. wth... why is my blog address on the 3rd of goggle list when it was asked in a search? crap... a little privacy please...

so much for a unknown blog. well, thats what they say when you got a blog, facebook and things like that. none of which is safe. even internet banking i assume....

so, life been a little unfair to me.

that's life huh...

suddenly it hits me. the whole line of event that happen. omg. omg. how can i not see it. stupid me.. when u start reasoning out the event. everything its so perfect that its a lie. a big one. damn.

till then, smile and stay beautiful.
xoxo
addie(:

fine! i take back my words! what i said about chin and dimples.. haha i do look for guy who have that and a few other details..... god what a freak...

anyway. i google on that one idol that i thought he dont have the chin and turn up he do have that chin.. and guess what i found next???

hold it...


alright! he might be joining twilight gang! yeah for me.. duh... hope he gets in and what the hell like twilight and harry potter gets like 2 parts in their next upcoming movie. what a rip off! yucks! what a bitch.. i mean why prolong the show? you can do like a come back or a remake once in the blue blue blue moon. why prolong the show and take more money out from the fans?

of course by casting my idol in it.... NO! it wont make a change for crying out loud. NO SIR! but then on the other hand. i think i will watch him played on a huge screen wont i?

maybe, unless i am still in town thats for sure.

anyway, i am so much happy that the world finally find peace with me &... that i finally can forget and let go. now that we are back into different parts of the country/earth. I am so so so much open happy :)

PS: i am not a stalker. i just search the drama show that i was watching and found his face tag on his fb page.

thats the end of this post for this dearly girl... I am coming home baby!

till then, smile and stay beautiful(:
xoxo
addie(:

Whats the true meaning of letting go? hopping that sour milk aint sour?

to love and let someone into your life is hard. to forget about good times its even harder.

human minds are such a funny thing. it can blocked out bad things and it can blocked out things we chose to remember, for instant, i can ask you to think all the events happened today. but i want you to think of a different outcome.

example: if you happen to bath before having a meal, try to picture yourself having a meal before your bath.

get my flow? i hope you do. :)

so after you kept thinking on that, convince yourself that the picture outcome was the true incident. i am sure you are able to do it. and then keep your eyes close and think through the rest of the event.

now read the rest of this post.(:

i have no idea what make me a real happy person lately. perhaps my mind and heart are both open and allowing new events to take place. and of course catching up with things i been lacking behind since day 1. i finally put down this rebel side and focus on this main event.

so i been thinking about having a new blog url. but i dont want to give up my url. hahah. hmm. what will happen if i grow a little older and meet more parts of the world and start loving the world? will i read my old post and start laughing at myself? i am already doing that now.

however they say, thats how we human grow. we have a past entry of our life and we look back on it once in a while and we laugh at ourselves. i had a book of my past event since i was like 5 i guess. i cant really remember. there wasnt date to prove when was my first entry. of course back then, they were real hard copy and not this blog. even now, i find pen-ing down my thoughts much "real" than this.

and little things made me wonder why do i bother writing it down.

but now that every little things we did.

okay back to the change of event. so now i am sure you remember very clearly that the little twist of event you made. can your mind replay the whole day to you with that little lie you had?

if you cant get my point, write down events happened today and on another piece of paper write down things you had changed. read them back in like a week or so. read the remake paper.

i am sure your mind will agree with you that remake was the true whole event.

maybe you get my flow, maybe you dont.

grab yourself a gelato, 'cause i am getting one. :)

till then, smile & stay beautiful.
xoxo
addie(:

between the heat that i had with you; they are love, tears, joy and more heat.

reason i was not in any contact with anyone these couple of weeks, mainly, there is no true reason. for those i did come in contact in, via anything, count yourself lucky...

nah nah, i am not going to have a major depression or somewhat related event. i am just tired. tired of being someone that everyone would love. i felt like a pushover and i am not a pushover, i am slowly learning to say no to things that are not that important for now. saying no to high drinks and banging music, saying no to you.

for now, till 3 of my papers are over and i will be back. for now, i need my soul to be save while i carry on making new masks.

and yes, i read all of your tweets, walls and blogs. i had them bookmark. so for those who think i went into rehab, how i wish i were in rehab. i am just learning simple things for now. and to those i recently turn down, i promise you, i will make it up for you. :)

now lets pray that this rain will wash away what happen between us and may we forget that night.

till then
xoxo
addie(:

vampires suck movie

let me tell you. it really sucked!

unless the whole point is telling die hard twilight fans that twilight is draggy, i get it. The show itself was funny for the first 30mins and it gets on being real draggy towards the end.

funny, and boring though.

but you got to watch twilight to fully understand the jokes! haha i love it when gossip girl talking crashes with becca's narration.

till then
xoxo
addie(:

suddenly looking back at photos in my room. & its finally time to throw away those unless photos, i saw a few photos on this aussie trip i had with my school band, trust me, it wasnt at all fun until knowing this other few guys from sister school of my secondary school.

anyway, i totally remember why i took photo with this other aussie guy who is not in band! hahah. I remembered when we were on our break at one exchange band with this school and I totally dont like my section thus i am always hanging out with some other sections. anyway, so i was walking around and i went near a pool. it was beside a hostel and there were people dancing outside the hostel girls mostly and they were dancing to some songs. & this guy stood beside me started talking to me. it was when i had a mouthful of water cooler water and i swear it was dripping from my mouth. He was the kinda guy i like! tall, big, you know! hahah anyway, so he asked me to join him for a swim and talked really a lot. i cant remember his name now or how his face really look like, but that over everything was the highlight of that day. :)

oh, the package was from her! oh my god. i freaking love it. its all in purple with my A printed on always everything! i posted up on fb and now its the desktop picture! lunch with my cousin and distant cousins were swell, plus one amazing jumpshot! haha waiting for him to get back from his trip and he will upload it.

for now its writing thank you cards and also mugging for my dear exams!

till then
xoxo
addie(:

okay thank you all for thy wonderful presents! even though today was my fault that i was late. come on a girl got to finish up her homework and i havent get started on F1 project!

going to the post and get my item from Jami, hopefully its from her! chat with Jordyn in class today. so awesome that its summer and she got to stay up late and i get to chat with her in class as the teacher going through tips for exam next friday. oh right like her tips going to help. all she did was, read from your notes. read from your notes!! however talking with Jordyn didnt went well, she got disconnected like countless of times and i just wonder what on earth happen.

so time for plan!

i need to make a date with R, my cousins(both distant and local) she is leaving soon and he supposes to make a date, but its just hanging there.

and the usual homework, study and exam!

and i am looking forward for my trips! planing a short getaway to Christmas island before the gang leaves and also koera! hell yeah i got confirm... back to zurich, SA. hope to visit Jami like real soon. I am starting to miss them alot! some what the F1 project though it had nothing to do with VIP party, with drunk rich crazy ass people screaming at the back of your head, but thats was the first time i enjoy being with the whole family! she is a wonderful person! okay. ah, spring break with J to either swiss or US! plan this plan that. all plans expect studying! like i have lost all interest in it.

anyway, dont ask me what happen, this is what i am going to do, base on whats that is left, i am going to make magic happen!

come and think of it. this year is a real deal. traveling around, meeting so many new friends, forgetting what had happen! getting to know more about myself and those kinda friend that i should be hanging with.

they say, you cant change if you are still with the same group of friends.

anyway, its going to the end of july, a fresh start of aug and maybe a trip or two down the memory lane. i should be back on track...

till then
xoxo
-addie(:

oh before i forget... thanks love! :D

flashes. those thing that flash pass you.

i seriously wanna go total metal soon. and i cant wait to start learning guitar again. yeah i am not going to learn a level and give up. finally took out my old dusty guitar played a few notes. dude, i am going to trade for a electrical guitar. i just wanna do something rock and roll! minus the screaming and shouting! heavy heavy metal.

talking about court, damn the case is settle. not going to press charges. I am so looking forward for court hearing. however it was paid off. rushing off after my marketing paper which i dont regret not taking marketing or accounting like the rest of my classmate from secondary school. thank god! i have no interest in marketing! wonder how did i pull through my years in POA, but it was so easy back then! hmm... wait, its 2 different things!

anyway, A13 is leaving on tour! damn you people who dont have to study and peruse your interest. yes i know i miss my chance! shut up i dont want to hear about it. anyway, have fun. buy me snow globe from places you go! you know how much i love snow globe! :)

till then
xoxo
addie(:

why do i have this feeling that 4 years later? it will be just you and me back in the empty room, looking at each other and filling our minds with memories?

till then is what i am going to say for all you readers who read my blog. no, i am not going to shut it down 'cause i dont feel like it. but i will be posting updates on A13 even though it has no relation at all.

I had it enough with some people who have this constant needs of knowing. i know, curiosity kills the cat but that cat obviously has 9 lives! i had it with it. i am so eff up with this kinda person. if you were meant to know, you will know. stop asking or fishing from me. just like today when that stupid woman has to know every single thing about me. HELLO, let me ask you, do you see me questioning you? no you dont! i am just being nice 'cause you are someone's date which i think that someone should have a change of degree! damn, and where did i get my flu from? oh come on, seriously? you gotta ask? let me tell you, from your freaking constant asking! get a life you moron! if you can sense that i am looking away, coughing even though i am not coughing, rolling my eyes over like a zillion times and sighing non stop dont give it away... how about me at the end telling you, i dont have to tell you everything, 'cause at the end of the day, we both know we aint seeing each other much after this on going event ends. for the love of god! leave me alone and stop trying to know me! 'cause i am not like you, i dont have to tell you how many skeletons are there in my closet! and i dont have to report to you!

just tell me i am wrong... that telling people things are good even though its non of their freaking business. tell me that i am wrong that there will be always something you dont tell someone. just tell me that i am wrong that i dont find the need to talk to you. & why do i have to let you into my life and that my friend, was a terrible mistake!

okay enough with this kind of people. and of course there are those that keep guessing and getting no where. enough already. just tell me J, which freaking part did i move wrong? was it the knight? or the bishop? just check mate me already so we can get on with it! URGH!! ohh...was it the part when i said tell J that the bitch is back?

FYI, our fate as friends had already ended.

so anyway, back to the part where i said i wanna update on the other blog, i had someone read my blog that i wish i had not told about. what was i thinking? stupid flu meds! damn the label was right. "it may cause drowsiness" you should put it on the back, also it may make you do some weird actions like telling someone your blog link even though you dont meant it! god damn it addie, seriously what were you thinking?

so i got suggestion like lock the blog, move the address, but i am going to leave it un-update for a while and who knows, maybe after 2 years, i will create a brand new one. and this will be gone. i started this blog when i am sick and bored at home 3 years ago. so now i will let this active blog die a little and come back again when i know that someone is not reading.

i am sorry, if you were meant to know, you will know. the world is simple and understandable to you, that 'cause you havent step out of your well and look at the world from my eyes. if you step on this line again. i will make sure, you will know the meaning of UP YOURS.

till then
xoxo
addie(:

PS: you were not meant to be.

post 333... half devil eh...

anyway, i been ill this couple of days so i missed out plenty of social events :( but i did caught up on my sleep! i so dont feel like going for that 100mins later.. kinda feel like sleeping.

bright eyes people, i finally understand the true meaning of colours. But somewhat i been fooled over and over again. seriously, my words are harsh but they are the truth.

i shall not blog further 'cause i dont find the use of updating my feelings now.

maybe i should get a twitter account eh?

till then
xoxo
addie(: